What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
