Sry I called you an 8
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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