I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Every concussion has its silver lining
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
