He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
