she kept yelling 'call me bella'
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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