i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
