Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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