Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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