I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
