I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
