Can i not drive my cunt home
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
wow bdsm is so cute
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
