There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
