Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
