I need to stop coming to work sober
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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