i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
