I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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