It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
