why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
