You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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