Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
