I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
