the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
