I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
