Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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