My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
