i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
