Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
