am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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