According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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