I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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