Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Randomize
