clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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