I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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