I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
