Farmville is her only friend.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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