I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
