need another drink. this is the easiest way
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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