I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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