i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
