i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
