Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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