I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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