im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
