remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i love accidental penises.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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