Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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