Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
