Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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