Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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