I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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