Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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