Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
