God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
