It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
