I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
